July 2007

Most of us know from personal experience that relationships can break down for a myriad of different reasons.  We in the legal profession often see the consequences of a “break-up” play out in a myriad of different ways.  As a lawyer who spends most of his time helping couples “break-up” as painlessly as possible, I thought it would be a nice change of pace to focus on what most experts see as being integral to a healthy relationship.

1. The partners in the relationship should respect and value themselves and each    other. They should treat each other with respect and courtesy.
2. They make decisions together.
3. When they disagree, they know that it’s okay to talk about their differences. They work it out. They find ways for both partners to get what they need.
4. They listen to each other’s view points. They express their feelings and opinions by saying, “I feel....” or “I think.....” They do not make comments or assumptions about the other person.
5. Each partner takes responsibility for themselves. They do not expect the other person to solve their problems or make them happy.
6. They each feel comfortable taking time alone if they need it. They feel okay about doing some things separately.
7. There is no fear in their relationship.
8. They do not restrict or control each other. They encourage each other’s growth.
9. Even when they are busy, they make time for one another and their  relationship.
10. They have a circle of people who know them and support them as a couple.
They spend time with others who have strong and healthy relationships.

As a final quick note, practitioners of the “secret” insist that if you are currently looking for a relationship, you should be mindful of what many avatars throughout history have come to call the “law of attraction.” In a nutshell, “like attracts like.”  Thus, every relationship that you become involved in will fail if your do not learn to love yourself FIRST.  You cannot love someone else if you cannot bring yourself to feel good about yourself.  This is not saying that you should be conceited, narcissistic or arrogant. Rather, it is about maintaining a loving, strong, gracious and healthy self-image.  It’s the basic law of attraction.  If you don’t love yourself, you likely won’t attract a loving relationship.  Some of the most successful people in history have practised this “law of attraction” not just in their relationships but in every aspect of their lives.

Think happy. A wise scholar stated “Your thoughts control your habits. Your habits control your actions.  Your actions define your character.  And your character shapes your destiny.”   Happier thoughts result in happier people...... and ultimately happier relationships.   It might also result in less work for family law lawyers..... which would  undoubtedly make a lot of people happier!

Any questions for me please call 527-8311. question@theexperts.ca